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Barnacles and
Such
Talking about
whales leads me to, if memory serves, the fact that they carry
3-inch lice (which give them their mottled gray/white skin
appearance) and the subject of human barnacles.
Yes, this is a
tawdry subject and one ma and pa never told you about. But from
middle age on, you will likely experience more trips to the
dermatologist to have barnacles removed from your face, hands,
neck, chest, back, legs . . . did I leave anything out?
I clearly
remember my father, somewhere in his 50s or 60s, infested with
ugly moles and growths that had never dared to blemish his
smooth thick skin in youth. It was getting icky just to kiss him
on the cheek.
Imagine my
relief when, one day, he appeared buggerless!
If you continue
to read this, you are a warrior. Growing old is positively not
for wimps. You’re gonna have to adjust to stuff you never
dreamed of in childhood, and this is one of them.
With that said,
I’ve just got to commit to a freeze dry session with my doctor
since, to my horror, I looked in the mirror yesterday and saw a
gray whale staring back at me (I’m not talking about blubber –
yet – that’s for another column.)
So, all of you
out there who know what I’m talking about - be kind to your kin
and friends. Clean up your act. They’ll thank you for it.
Menopausal Auto
Rant: Just say NO!
Now they’ve
done it! They couldn’t stop at blacked-out windows that make it
impossible for a pedestrian or driver to look into a driver’s
smoked glass to see if that driver is actually looking back at
them. (Seeing in, if you don’t know, gives you a hint at whether
the offending incognito driver is clueless about your
whereabouts and is going to pull in front of you or run you
over.)
Then came the
SUVs – or “suck up volumes” as I call them. Cars that, well,
like the dogs they escort, have a penchant for rolling over.
NO, they
couldn’t stop there. Now, the GREAT auto manufacturers announce
that all the new cars will have slimmer glass along the sides so
they can look cool (like a James Dean hot-rod). The visibility
will be compromised a bit but, hey, so what if you can’t see the
toddler or small animal beside your door? You gotta look boss,
right?
Help me out on
this, please. Demand more glass on the side doors, front
windshield and any other place where visibility will guard
against accidents. Anywhere but the roof, for heaven’s sake. Do
we really need to be looking up while we drive?
Apparently so,
because manufacturers’ recent announcements state that there
will be more glass on the roofs.
Inspirational Solution? Just say NO! to auto designers
and producers. Just say NO! to ignorance. If you are aging
gracefully, you will have developed a greater moral conscience
that dictates a NO! . . . |
